Incomplete Roopkund Trek

Packed inside a high altitude sleeping bag in my tent, I was in a state of trance, partially asleep.

“Chalo ready ho jao sab, ek ghante mein hum Roopkund ke liye niklenge”, I heard Dinesh (guide) shouting and blowing whistle. I switched on LED lamp and started searching for my cellphone, It was 3am and the temperature was around (-) 6 degree Celsius.

Few trekkers from other groups were all set to trek; I assumed it by listening to their activities while sitting inside my tent. I wasn’t sure whether to join them for Roopkund and Junargali stretch or stay back with my friends. For nearly half an hour my brain and heart were arguing, thus leaving me totally confused. I even grabbed one of my shoes to go out but then I changed my mind and lied down.

Qadeer was suffering from severe headache, Monty got caught by AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness) and Mukesh wasn’t sure whether he will return in one piece or not after climbing upto to Junargali.

I organized the trek and they joined me, how can I leave them alone at Baguabasa (4,300mts) camping site, I started consoling myself. After all if you are trekking in a team, you should stay as a team. I promised myself to have utmost fun this particular day so that even the slightest thought of missing out on Roopkund doesn’t strike my mind. At 4am as they left I went back to sleep.

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Team

I was on unapproved leaves and to save one more day we started the journey from Delhi early in the morning on 23^rd June. This was for the first time I was travelling from Delhi to Rishikesh in the morning and it wasn’t worth it. Due to renovation at Kashmiri Gate, we had to take bus from Anand Vihar ISBT. We reached Rishikesh at around noon and then took a shared cab to Karnaprayag. This was for the first time Qadeer was trekking in Uttarakhand. I often tempted him by saying “Bas Rishikesh tak hai garmi uske baad toh thandi thandi hawa”, but I didn’t realise that summers were at its peak this time. After we crossed Rudraprayag it started raining heavily, eventually our bags got wet.

Our room at Karnaprayag looked more like a dhobi ghat when all of us hanged our clothes everywhere. Before coming for this trek I tried to contact people from Wan village and Lohajung but failed. The plan was already made so without any camping equipments we were travelling 500kms hoping that something will click at last moment.

Day 1 | The Long Day | Karnaprayag – Lohajung – Didana Village

Next morning we took cab from Karnaprayag to Tharali, then Tharali to Lohajung. While travelling in cab, Qadeer asked me which river is it. I started thinking. He taunted me “you have written content for eUttaranchal and you don’t even know the name of the river”. “Pindar River” I said and confirmed with the driver and voila I was right.

We reached Lohajung at 2pm. We started talking to shopkeepers for arranging a guide, porter, tent but nothing was working as per our needs. Qadeer was a bit worried because we have been travelling from past two days and still there was no sign of trekking.

A house in Didana Village

Then luckily we got number of Narendra who helped us with all the arrangements. He said that he will reach Lohajung at around 5pm and then we will do night trekking to Didana Village. We reached Kuling in taxi and then started trekking at 6pm. The descend from Kuling to foot of the mountain is knee breaking which is followed by steep climb. By the time we reached the bridge at the foot of the mountain it already started getting dark.

The route is clearly visible with very less chance of getting lost. As it got darker the trek became for adventurous. I recalled memories from Rudranath trek (year 2008) when we walked final 2kms in complete darkness. In order to make the journey even more tough weather gods started showering us with rain. But finally we made upto Didana Village at 8:45 pm. After dinner we went to sleep in a local villager’s house.

Day 2 | Beauty of Bugyals | Didana Village – Ali Bugyal – Bedni Bugyal

Next morning when we woke up there were approximately 40 trekkers moving here and there, exercising and eating. As soon as I came to know that they will also be trekking to Roopkund, I got a bit disappointed because I knew the feeling of isolation and trekking alone in the wilderness will be something that I will miss out on.

Qadeer and me listening to "Long Nights"(Into the Wild) after crossing a steep and slippery shortcut

Some of them started asking us whether it was us who trekked at night to reach Didana and with a wide smile on face we nodded yes. They were good to hang around, most of them were Bangalorians. I wonder why they don’t speak hindi, not even a single word. The trek started and we entered the forest. The soundtrack of Into The Wild was a big hit while trekking, it boosted other trekkers as well. I was complimented by other trekkers for my playlist, alas people with good taste of music.

Qadeer and I were way ahead but Monty and Mukesh were lagging behind. The insane side of Qadeer convinced me to walk through slippery and steep shortcuts to shorten the journey and making it more adventurous. Traversing through forests we reached the starting point of widespread Ali Bugyal. It was fun to pick wild strawberries as it reminded me of my Har ki Doon trek. Ali Bugyal is never ending. It is spread as far as our eyes could reach.

If you are planning to trek to Roopkund via Wan then make sure you visit Ali Bugyal as well, it is well worth it. Finally it was fun to click landscape photographs and Qadeer started enjoying mountain breeze. We waited for our partners at Ali Bugyal. Sadly they were last, ruining our reputation amongst other trekkers. From here on we trekked together.

Perched at an elevation of 3,354mts above sea level Ali Bugyal is an alpine meadow one must visit at least once in a lifetime. Even if you reach Ali Bugyal there still a long way to walk upto Bedni Bugyal, approximately 5kms.

Walking on the widespread Ali Bugyal

Ali Bugyal

I don’t want to provide false information about the distance of the entire route because I was unsure about it. And I disagree with the distance mentioned on different blogs and websites. Anyways it doesn’t matter how much you have walked just make your itinerary fixed with camp sites.

Wild Horse

After crossing Ali Bugyal the route ascends to a ridge and the remaining route to Bedni Bugyal is followed by a descending trail. Bedni Bugyal is a beautiful camp site from where you get to see incredible views of Trishul Peak and Nanda Ghunti. Wild horses grazing at lush green meadows is a treat to watch. This is the point where you will get a water source, water is unavailable at Ali Bugyal (do carry it with yourself).

Bedni Kund was all dried up during this month. For capturing reflections of Trishul peak on Bedni Kund, plan your trek in August or September. However weather will be unpredictable during this time of the year, there are limitations to everything.

Bedni Bugyal

Bedni Kund waiting to get filled by monsoon rains

Day 3 | The Tiring Stretch and AMS | Bedni Bugyal – Patar Nauchani – Baguabasa

Greeted by mist while walking on the other side of the mountain

Next morning we started trekking upwards on an easy trail upto Ghora Lautani from thereon we had to trek on other side of the mountain. The wind grew thinner and clouds surrounded us. The route is easy upto Patar Nauchani. Patar Nauchani is also a gorgeous camp site but you have to be prepared to face cold wind. Next time when I visit this place, I will camp at Patar Nauchani for sure because it overlooks a virgin valley. After having maggi at Patar Nauchani we started the most difficult part of the trek – the steep climb upto Kalu Vinayak. This route is very tiring, it is important to take breaks frequently on this route. Climbing this steep route became more complicated when it started raining.

Frodo and Sam

Kalu Vinayak is dedicated to Lord Ganesha and the idol kept here is carved out on black stone. Near Kalu Vinayak I saw ladies climbing on steep slopes of meadows trying to find something. After asking them I came to know that they are searching Keeda Jadi a rare kind of caterpillar mummified by a fungal infection found at altitudes between 3,000 and 5,000 metres in Himalayas. It is used in ayurvedic medicines.

The descending trail to Baguabasa is clearly visible from Kalu Vinayak. While walking on this rocky terrain you can see massive Trishul Peak, Roopkund ridge, Nanda Ghunti and splendid views of Himalayan Range. Baguabasa is perched at an elevation of 4,300mts above sea level on rocky surface. It is practically very challenging to camp in the high altitude of Roopkund, therefore Baguabasa acts as a base camp. The word Baguabasa literally suggests “abode of tiger”.

Steep climb to Kalu Vinayak

Kalu Vinayak Temple

We reached Baguabasa at around 2pm and started pitching tent. We couldn’t eat much during lunch even though we were hungry, it might be the first sign of AMS, I thought. At around 4pm we went inside our sleeping bags to rest but as soon as we opened our eyes it was 6pm already, a sign which indicated our exhaustion. Later that evening I captured few landscape pictures and Himalayan peaks. Soon sunrays started piercing clouds turning the mountains into an enigmatic sphere. Baguabasa affords splendid views of the wide range of Himalayan peaks.

My trek buddies started feeling unwell due to AMS and the only way to cure it is to go to lower altitude. They made a plan to drop the idea of trekking to Roopkund and rather return back to Bedni Bugyal. Qadeer rightly said“Roopkund kahin nahi jaa raha, hum kuch saal baad bhi aayein toh Roopkund wahin rahega”. I agreed with his point but I badly wanted to praise the view of Trishul Peak from Junargali. I slept with confused state of mind but next morning I decided to stay with my friends.

First sight of Baguabasa

Close up of Roopkund and Junargali

1. Trishul Peak, 2. Nanda Ghunti, 3. Himalayan range, 4. Chaukhamba

Day 4 | The Most Entertaining Day | Baguabasa – Bedni Bugyal

Morning view from Baguabasa

At 5am in the morning when I saw trekkers on their way to Roopkund, I prayed to mountains for inviting me another time to visit this heaven. Next time I will probably head all the way to Ronti Saddle and trek down to some other location (desire).

Few more trekkers from other group dropped the idea to visit Roopkund and there was another guy who returned back after an hour from halfway because his nose started bleeding. After breakfast we started trekking back to Bedni Bugyal. The clouds started hovering below us when we reached Kalu Vinayak. The both side of mountains range can be seen from Kalu Vinayak. Qadeer, Mukesh and I chose to trek through the ridge and it turned out to be one of the most special moments of the trek. We didn’t knew where we are heading towards, just tricky slopes on the mountain top with bugyals on one side and rocky cliff on another.

Trekking route on our way back to Bedni Bugyal

We stopped by at a picturesque spot and started to shoot a music video. Pehla Nasha was the song that I played on speaker and Mukesh was dancing shirtless on alpine meadows. I still laugh while watching that video. I wondered how much happy I would be if I lived every day in such beautiful landscapes with nothing to do except praising nature.

Walking barefooted on Bedni Bugyal

Omelettes at Patar Nauchani were too good to resist, I was craving for omelettes from past few days. As soon as Bedni Bugyal came in sight we decided to walk the remaining distance barefooted on velvet meadows. Our feet finally started breathing after a long time. We were torturing them from past few days, surely a sign of relief for them.

After the round of maggi at Bedni Bugyal we started playing volleyball. At around 5pm trekkers from other group started reaching back to Bedni Bugyal. Their exhausted faces and fatigued bodies made us feel slightly happy about dropping the idea of visiting Roopkund.

While packing bag at home I was a bit reluctant whether to carry my tripod or not. My love for photographing nature in its truest form insisted me to carry tripod in the end but I could hardly take it out of my bag until this day.

Finally I got lucky, the sky was clear and stars were visible. At 9pm on that freezing night, I came outside my tent and set up my tripod to capture stars. There is no infinity (∞) mark on my 18-135mm lens so it was quite a task to set my focus at distant stars. So I focused on moon which acted as my infinity mark and then I started capturing the starry trails. The results weren’t exceptional but it fascinated me as this was the first time I was doing night photography of stars. I was completely satisfied with my decision to take tripod on this trek.

The Starry Trail

Day 5 | The Way Back | Bedni Bugyal – Wan – Lohajung – Karnaprayag

S E X Y

Next morning we were the first to start trekking back to Wan village. Walking through short cut trails maintained the speed with porters helped us in descending down fast. At the foot of the mountain Monty and Mukesh enjoyed a refreshing bath in a stream. The route was steep for few kilometres hereon. Before reaching Wan while passing through the village we were greeted by several kids who ran towards us and screamed“namaste” – the cutest Namaste I ever heard.

Also we met a handsome dog, we named him “sexy”. We reached Wan at noon and fed ‘sexy’ with biscuits and omelette. I wish he would have been our companion for the entire route, the journey would have been more fun then. We had to wait for other trekkers to drive in the cab to Lohajung. After changing cabs three times, we managed to reach Karnaprayag at night. Finally four ‘asli pahadis’ stepped back to the world of civilization.

Trishul Peak

Things that I learned in this trek

• If you are in a team, stay as a team. Or if anyone is unwell, do necessary arrangements for their health
• Move to low altitude if you are suffering from AMS
• Food is essential. We got weak because food provided wasn’t good enough
• Trust your instincts

 For more pictures:

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Enjoy JABONGing.

CREMATION

Written By: Sandeep Bisht

Chapter 1: Rediscovering Family

I was responsible for the death of my wife and my son. If I wouldn’t have driven fast on that foggy night then probably they would have been alive. Sometimes in order to comfort myself from those poignant memories I feel that I was not the only one responsible for that accident but three more persons. Firstly, my son who excited me to drive fast, secondly my wife who didn’t stopped me and thirdly the driver who parked his truck in the middle of the highway.

The iron rods loaded on that truck pierced the throat of my wife and my son. They both were gasping for breath but I couldn’t do anything about it. Red color haunts me ever since I saw blood spilling from their body like a fountain in the garden. I still wonder that whether I was lucky to survive or doomed to live the rest of my life alone in dismay. 

Left with an aimless life I thought of adopting children from an orphanage so as to shape up their future with education and by fulfilling their needs. I adopted eight children and brought them to my home located in outskirts of Delhi. I bore all their expenses to make their lives better.

I have earned money my entire life, sometimes through illegal means as well. Previously I used to run after money in order to fulfill every need of my family, but after that accident I was left with nothing but money itself. All my desires of earning money came to an end. 

With the rest of my life I wanted to do something worthy so I took this step of adopting eight children, because I was capable enough to make their life worth it.

I admitted all of them in same school in order to make their routine same. At home I created a special room for them with bunk beds. It was tough to organize everything for them in the beginning but I got used to it after few weeks. 

Spending time with them made me feel happy. I might have lost my son but now I was with eight of them. Sometimes it felt like my child was speaking through some of the children I adopted. But maybe it was just some attributes that they had in common with my son, I thought.

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Chapter 2: Call of the Unknown Land

Two months passed and I rejoiced the time shared with my children, even they enjoyed my company. I was occupied in doing things for them and that made me think less about my deceased family. Sometimes people questioned me for adopting only boys and not even a single girl. But I knew, had I adopted girls, they would have thought that I have something else on my mind. I didn’t want anyone to point their finger at me with suspicious thoughts so I adopted boys. I insured all of them in case of any tragic circumstances. 

Summer vacations started and after a couple of weeks the kids got bored of home, so I thought of a day picnic in forest. I packed lunch, bed sheets and some other necessary items and drove them to a nearby area where road ends. I always wanted to walk the forest located on Aravalli Range. We carried all the stuff and started walking in dense forest. The kids were enjoying this unique experience and so was I. 

We constantly walked for more than four kilometers in nowhere and rested after equal intervals. I wanted them to experience the wilderness of nature and witness the sunset with beautiful landscape as its silhouette. After walking another kilometer, I saw small grassland from distance. It was a perfect place for having lunch I thought and headed towards it, the kids followed me. 

I had no idea what I was getting into. That mysterious place lured me to walk towards it but I couldn’t recognize. As soon as I reached there, the kids started playing and running whereas I stood still. 

I started to comprehend the meaning behind the things that were in front of me, and soon the story was clear. I saw broken pots, ashes, medicines, injections, wooden logs and dresses of girl child. When I combined the meaning of all these materials I was shocked.

Summing up those materials it was obvious that parents who had girl child brought them here and fed them medicines. When medicines didn’t work they tried to kill them by injecting poison in their nerves. After those girls died, they took off their clothes to cremate them. The broken pots indicated that those girls were first murdered and then a cremation ceremony was performed for them. There were eight broken pots and after looking at the dresses of girls, it was clear that they were not more than six years old.

How could anyone kill their own child so deliberately? I wondered. When I adopted kids I came to know about those parents who left their children in orphanage or in dustbins and now there were parents who killed their daughters.

That small grassland was cursed and all my kids were playing. I saw them laughing, eating, picking up things, rolling on ground and two of them got hurt. I stood silent for five minutes because I got into a state of trance while comprehending the meaning behind those objects lying on the ground. 

I called everyone in order to leave that eerie place as soon as possible. Only six of them gathered and two were missing. I searched for them and saw them standing on an edge. I called their names but they didn’t turn back. When I walked towards them I saw that they were standing on the edge of a well.

There was a rope hanging inside the well. For a moment I felt that they were hypnotized by something and the moment I shook them, they came back to normal. Their hands were bleeding with minor cuts, so I bandaged them and left that place.

I was terrified with this disturbing incident and got worried for my children. It started raining while we were walking back to home. Rain made our journey tougher. These complexities were stopping us but somehow we managed to reach the road. I drove kids back to home and asked them to sleep.

While they were sleeping inside their room in the evening, I came outside my house to walk. That disturbing view was constantly running on mind for the rest of the night.

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Chapter 3: Disappearance

After preparing breakfast that morning I called kids but none of them came down. I went upstairs to make sure that they are fine. While climbing the stairs I saw that the door is slightly opened. I peeked in through the door and saw four kids standing in front of their separate bunk beds lost in some thoughts.

I saw enraged flames from distance at night and felt its heat on my skin even after standing far away from it. Those flames indicated me to come closer. I couldn’t control myself and walked towards it. As I reached there, I saw human bodies burning alive. They screamed and shouted in pain, their voice was piercing my ears. A large blazing flame captured me and started engulfing me. I shook my body to get out of the fire and woke up from this haunting dream. It was a nightmare and beginning of something terrible that was going to happen, I wondered.

The silence inside the room left me with uneasiness. I opened the door and walked in and they wished me good morning. This sudden change in their activity left me puzzled. I asked them where the other four kids are and they pointed towards the bunk beds, not knowing that they weren’t there. 

I asked them “when did you saw them last”?

“When we slept last night” replied Ankur and rest nodded in agreement.

I looked for them in garage, store room, terrace, everywhere but couldn’t find them. Entire afternoon I searched for them in neighborhood and returned back home empty handed in the evening. I got worried. Could the disappearance of kids be related with our visit to that isolated cremation ground, I doubted.

Informing this to the cops was a right thing to do, I wondered. But then I thought of waiting till next morning. While preparing dinner for the kids, I prayed for the kids to come back. My instincts told me that mysterious disappearance of four kids might have some connection with the cremation ground.

The other four kids were also acting weird and their behavior was strange. At night I went up to their room and served them dinner.

“The other kids, they are playing hide n seek, don’t worry they will come home tomorrow morning when they will feel hungry”, I said in order to comfort them.

I was bewildered to see them serving too much food on their plates. Sitting at the dining table I saw them taking their plates to the corners of the room. Each one of them sat on the floor at four different corners of the room, facing nothing but wall.

They started eating hungrily in very unusual manner, as if someone else is making them eat all that food in order to quench their hunger. While watching them eat like this, it was hard for me to swallow food. Every grain of rice pinned down my throat with this sight in front of me. I was now certain that something evil has captured the souls of these kids. 

I read somewhere many years back that evil spirits tend to control children much more easily if compared with an adult, and these kids were their target this time. All of a sudden I started fearing their presence.

“Good night kids, I will see you in the morning” said I and left downstairs.

I couldn’t think of any solution, or how to deal with this type of situation. While lying down on my bed I waited for time to pass by. I was waiting for dawn.

Couple of hours passed but I was unable to sleep. I constantly looked out of the window. The winds were blowing the branches of trees on a full moon night. As the wind stopped blowing and everything was still, I heard someone walking down. As I peeked out of my room I saw four kids walking unconsciously without whispering.

At first I thought of stopping them, but then I thought the evil spirits who are making them walk might have captured the other four kids in the same way. I quietly followed them because it was the only way to find other four kids.

Barefooted they walked on the empty road and entered the forest, whereas I followed them. While walking on the moonlit path behind them I was sure of one thing, they were going to isolated cremation ground. 

Walking down the dense jungle they stepped on thorns, twisted their ankles on stones, still they kept walking. The urge to unfold this mystery made me less human. I didn’t stop them to go any further, I rather pursued them.

At 2am we reached the haunted cremation ground. In this vast empty land the only sound I could hear was of chirping crickets. I observed four kids from distance walking towards the well. I gathered pace and ran towards them. 

“Stop, Stop. Ankur, Anand, Milan, Sidharth. Stop”, I shouted out loud.

They stopped, standing on the edge of the well and turned back.

“Come… Come. Lets go home” I said in a shivering tone.

All four of them stood still in their place with their eyes fixed on me. I wasn’t looking at them but the devil that they had inside.

“You can’t stop all this” said Ankur and jumped inside the well, followed by other three kids.

“No…” I screamed and ran towards them. 

I collapsed on the ground as I saw them plunging inside the well and disappear from my sight.

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Chapter 4: Cremation

I was traumatized with this whole incident but not even a single tear shed from my eyes because of the state of shock I was in. I gained strength and walked up to the edge of the well. It was deep and nothing was visible. I checked an old rope hanging inside the well and slowly rappelled down.

I stepped inside the bottom of the well where muddy water was gathered and an unusual foul smell made it more unbearable to stand there. Nothing was visible inside the well so I picked up a body and climbed up through rope. I checked whether Milan is alive or not, but he was dead. 

I went back inside and brought another dead body with me, he was Anand. By the time I brought the dead body of Ankur I was totally exhausted. I rappelled down and found out that more bodies are lying there. With my hands I felt five bodies lying inside the well.

One by one I brought every dead body. Four kids who were missing, died in exact same manner a day before. Eight dead bodies were lying down in front on me as dawn struck the day. None of them survived.

I cried and shouted “what was their mistake”, but the evil spirits didn’t respond to me.

The evil spirits of the girls who were summoned to death on this ground envied boys because they themselves didn’t come in this world as a boy. If the dead girls were brought in this world as a boy then probably they would have been alive and adapted by their parents.

There are certain things in life which has no answers, no explanations but only realization which doesn’t comes with hearing or seeing, but by experiencing.

Nobody would believe in the reason behind the death of these kids, I wondered. So it was inefficient to take them back, and if I inform police about this incident then they would hold me in custody and declare me responsible for their death, I thought.

I insured all the kids but now this insurance was the only thing with which police might have suspected me for killing all eight children.

I started collecting woods in forest in order to prepare for cremation of the deceased. The dream I had the other night was about to come true as dusk approached.

I was in front of eight dead bodies lying over the wooden logs. While giving fire to bodies, I knew that after this cremation has been performed I will have to spend the rest of my life in desolation. I couldn’t go back even if I want to because people will start questioning, and the truth will be unacceptable for them.

I saw bodies burning and cursed people responsible for the death of those girls who were cremated in this ground. I decided to spend the rest of my life in this place, sometimes I went out in search of food.

I knew the truth behind this ground so I guarded it. Whenever I saw people unknowingly approaching this cursed place, I threw stones at them so that they would run away. I stopped everyone from entering this ground because I didn’t wanted them to suffer the same way, as I did.

In return they called me mental, psycho and often abused but it didn’t make any difference to me. I knew what I was doing.

Even after spending months and years there, I never got a chance to communicate with the evil spirits yet I felt their presence.

***

The Final Goodbye

Written By: Sandeep Bisht

Long time back when civilization didn’t stepped on the immaculate beauty of planet earth, it was tough to survive and life was worth living. In the wilderness of forested mountains during that era, lived a Master with his Dog. It was the era when humans realized that animals are not for merely hunting but they can be great companions as well. Human mind evolved during this phase and they shifted from caves to houses made of stones and wood. Animals and humans lived together in harmony and their only aim in life was to survive. 

The harsh winters were knocking the door of the mountains and both Master and his Dog preferred to stay inside their house for most of the time. They would sit near fire for hours and the dog fetched wooden logs right before the fire extinguished. 

 The master was working on a piece of deer’s skin to make a collar for his dog and as soon as he was finished with it, he tied it over his dog’s neck. For two days the dog made every possible effort to grab his collar and tear it with his sharpened teeth but he failed and finally adapted it. 

The master would spend hours sharpening his arrows for hunting and his dog would simply sit there in front of him. They shared a great bond, they ran together, hunt together, ate together and played together. It was a small family, very small indeed. 

As years passed by the master grew strong and his dog started aging. Dogs generally live for around 14years and this one already turned 9years old. The dog’s physical strength was decreasing but he gave his best and the master was never disappointed in him. One day while hunting a wild goat the master accidentally fell into a bush from height and got hurt. The dog dragged him out by pulling his self made woolen jacket with all his strength. The master’s leg was bleeding and they went back to their home. 

That night when master was sleeping, the dog was awake to guard their place and also because he was worried. All of a sudden the dog sensed someone’s presence, someone unwanted. He walked up to the gate and barked out loud to show that he is not afraid and has strength to tear apart the unwanted.

He looked back and saw that his master was still sleeping, so he walked three steps more and barked again. He saw shining eyes behind a tree and kept gazing there for a while. He walked towards it slowly with curiosity. When the dog reached near that tree a leopard jumped towards him to grab his throat with all her strength but the dog managed to escape and started running in opposite direction.

The chase didn’t end here and the dog made leopard run after him in circles. The leopard took another leap towards the dog and managed to thrash his back with his heavy claw. The dog cried in pain but he stood up in front of leopard to fight.

The master woke up and saw that his dog isn’t there, he focused on the sound and came out to see his dog fighting bravely with wild leopard. The master went back inside for his bow and arrow, but he failed to do it quickly because of his injured leg.

The moment he came outside and aimed towards the leopard, the dog jumped down the terrace field to escape and leopard also jumped following the dog. The master missed the target. He went back inside and came out with a fire torch. He tried to run as fast as he could to reach the place where dog and leopard jumped and saw no one there.

He kept searching for traces all night but failed to spot his dog or leopard. The master kept searching for his dog in the forest for three days and three nights, and often cried and shouted madly in despair. Every single day of his last nine years were spent with this dog and he didn’t even get a chance to wave him final goodbye.

Deeply depressed, he kept on trudging the forest and finally found his dog’s collar with some blood spots on it. While holding the collar tear shed from his eyes. Filled with rage and anger, he decided to find the leopard and kill her. The master wanted to avenge leopard for killing his dog.

He started searching for the leopard and found her lying on the ground. He observed her from a safe distance. He took out his bow and arrow to pierce the heart of the leopard to retaliate. As he aimed at the heart of the leopard a cub came above the leopard and started chewing her ear. He realized that she is a leopardess. Two more cubs came jumping and started drinking the milk from leopardess’s breasts. The arrow was about to slip from the hands of the master but he held it there for a while.

He realized that if he kills the leopardess then somehow he will also be responsible for the death of three cubs. Those three cubs made him doubt over his decision of killing the leopardess. But he badly wanted to release all his anger through his finger tips, so he released the arrow towards the sky. He decided not to kill the leopardess for the sake of survival of her cubs. The master and his dog survived for years by hunting animals and this was for the first time when they were attacked. It was a nature cycle that goes circular and the circle ended with this incident. He gasped and started walking back towards his home with lowered head and collar in his hand.

The clouds started gathering and in the evening he reached back home. He saw his dog lying in front of his house, when he moved closer he saw him badly wounded and panting for breath. The master couldn’t believe that he is alive, he took his head in his arms and started crying.

A loud thunder strike made the master look towards sky and it started raining. The moment he looked back towards his dog, he wasn’t there. He was gone. He still felt that his hands are holding something but nothing was visible, his hands felt the heaviness. The master then realized that his dog was already dead but maybe his soul came to see him for one last time, to wave him the final goodbye. That night the master realized one truth about life, “sometimes you got to believe in things that don’t exist”.

Letter to God

Dear God,

Today at school I read about existence of earth, planets and stars, life and death. I had so many questions running on my mind but I couldn’t ask my teacher because I was afraid, that’s why I am writing you this letter to ask all those questions.

Why is that every person, every animal, every tree has to die someday? Why can’t they live forever, what harm will they do if they will live forever? Why do people get old when it’s tough to live after getting old?

I don’t want to get old, I don’t want to die, I don’t want people to die whom I love, who are special for me. God please tell me what should I do to save people from dying. What should I do to prevent them from aging? Tell me anything and I will do it. I know I am being stupid, and that is maybe because I am just 11 years old girl.

Where do people go after dying? Where shall we go to meet them? I never saw my grandma, she was pretty I want to meet her. God where can I find her?

Today my teacher told me that earth will get destroyed after thousands of years. Is that true?  My teacher says whatever is written in the text book.

What will happen if the earth gets destroyed? Will my home also get destroyed? She said that no humans will be alive on earth by that time.

I keep on imagining the empty earth since then. The streets where no one is walking, vacant buildings, no one playing in the parks, no one to watch movies or cartoons, no talking no fighting, no hospitals no injections, there won’t be trees, no birds and animals and no one to observe all this emptiness in the world.

I think it will be so weird then, I love it how earth is now. I don’t want it to be changed. Why is it that everything has to change?  Why have you made the earth like this? God, I am not questioning you but I just need answers.

Marie

The Suicide

Part - One


Written by:- Sandeep Bisht

It was a Wednesday afternoon when I came out of my office for a smoke to soothe myself. The work pressure was pulling me down from a couple of months now. For six consecutive months I was awarded - ‘Best Sales Agent’ in my Health Insurance company. That was the time when I touched new heights in my career and from past two months I was swimming around new depths.

While smoking I was constantly thinking that how my focus from work has shifted to blank spaces and how I am reduced to way below than a mediocre performer. Nothing terrible happened with me, no break-ups, no death in the family because I don’t have anyone left by now, no drug addiction. Probably I need a break or I need to switch job and do something new, I thought.

After finishing my cigarette I turned back to walk towards office door. While walking back I felt that the blazing sun is engulfing me, I couldn’t move all of a sudden, the sun rays started piercing my body and I collapsed in front of my office.

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Next thing I remember, I was lying on a ward care bed in a hospital where my friend Ritesh was a doctor. He was standing right in front of me holding a notepad. I got excited as soon as I looked him and I tried to lift my body but I struggled hard to do so.

“Hey, relax. Relax.  So finally you woke up. I thought you were in a coma.” said Ritesh in an attempt to cheer me up.

“In that case I would have hired you to clean my shit every single day.” said I laughingly.

After this light moment of joy, I asked him “What happened, how did I get in here? All I remember was that I collapsed.”

“One of your colleagues brought you here, but don’t worry you might have collapsed due to weakness or lack of sleep” said he.

“I guess it’s because of work pressure” I replied.

“You will be fine, just relax. Give yourself a break. Stay here for a couple of days. You will get it covered with your health insurance. Feel like home” said he smilingly.

I had no problem staying at the hospital apart from the fact that I hated hospitals. Hospitals are very boring and sadistic place, even a happy-go-lucky person will get sad after spending couple of hours inside any hospital.

“I have also taken your blood sample just to ensure whether it’s some disease or not” said Ritesh.

“Yes, to be on the safer side” I agreed.

As he was leaving the ward room of the hospital I asked him to give me some lotion to apply on a wound on my leg.

“Let me take a look at it… Did you get this today” said he with a confused expression and after carefully examining my wound.

“No, it’s been more than a month. This wound is not healing, I don’t know what’s wrong with it” said I.

“Ok apply this for the meantime and I will be back with reports tomorrow morning. If you need anything just ring the bell, we have some good looking nurses here” said he as he was about to leave the room.

“Don’t worry, I won’t call them sister” I said laughingly.

The mischievous side of me was back in its flow and I ranged the bell. Within half a minute I saw a black, weird looking female in her late 30s in front of me.

“Yes Mr. Anirudh, do you need anything” she asked with utter honesty.

“No… No. It was by mistake. Thank You” I said to avoid indulging more in this embarrassing situation.

After having the simple and tasteless dinner at the hospital I went to sleep, because there wasn’t much to do. 

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As I woke up next morning Ritesh was sitting near me, he looked sad.

“Did your wife ask you for divorce?” I asked him.

He didn’t replied but made the no gesture by shaking his head with no expression on his face.

“Then what’s wrong, cheer up.” I said mocking him.

“Look I don’t want to play with words, because I am not good at it. I want to tell you this as straight as possible. I have already checked it thrice and this can’t be wrong. I don’t know what” as he was constantly saying, I thought of interrupting him because whatever he was talking about was going way above my head.

“Stop… stop. You are playing with words right now. Tell me straight what is it? You are kind of freaking me out” I said.

“Anirudh, you are HIV positive” said he with all the sadness in this world collected on his face.

“Oh, and I thought you would say that my blood group is AB positive. Come on I am way too matured for these kinds of jokes” I said making fun out of what he said. I knew that he wasn’t kidding but by making fun of him I just wanted to assure myself that I am totally fine.

“What, seriously” I asked him with fear and he nodded while looking down at the floor.

He further told me that AIDS is the reason why my wound was not healing and that AIDS is the reason why I am gradually getting weaker not only physically but mentally as well. It felt like lightening penetrated my heart, my life has come to an end now, i thought.

I would have lived more happily in the absence of this truth and after knowing the fact that I am suffering from AIDS, I feel even more weak and exhausted.

“Well AIDS is a slow poison just like your cigarettes, people suffering from this disease live long enough if they are on proper medication” said Ritesh to calm me down and further went to write a medical prescription for me.

But the truth is always harsh and difficult to accept. I knew that I am not an innocent guy and I was ready to believe that I am suffering from AIDS. It’s not that some barber might have used a used blade of someone suffering from AIDS when I was there for shaving. It’s not that I was eating out at a restaurant when some HIV positive chef’s drop of blood went into my stomach along with the dish that he prepared. It’s not that I accidentally stepped on an already used injection. I knew the truth from where I might have got contaminated with this disease – brothels.

I am a 33years old working person who earns good but never had a single girlfriend in my life, may be because I am not handsome, may be because I was not ready, may be because they didn’t trusted me, whatsoever the reason be I was left with only one choice to fulfill my pleasures and desires, and that is why I often went to brothels.

When you walk on the road of pleasure the shadow of sin is always your companion. It is the desire for pleasure that evolves the sinister side of a human being. I walked on the same road and invited my destruction with open arms.  

Instead of making an honest living with the money I earned, I chose to enjoy life to the fullest, I chose to experience everything. In a way I felt happy to have experienced almost everything, knowing that I am going to die soon. But if I hadn’t chosen to be on the dark side, then I wouldn’t be here sitting in this hospital suffering from AIDS.

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After spending four more days at the hospital, Ritesh told me that now I can go home to get back to the daily routine of mine and he also advised me to do rest more if possible and to keep myself busy. After going home whatever I did and whatever I thought about, I just couldn’t wipe-off the undeniable fact from my mind that I was going to die soon. This very thought started haunting me. I started smoking more cigarettes. For two days I hallucinated that the ‘messenger of death’ is calling me from distance to take me to hell.

I never went back to the office because I didn’t want them to know that I am HIV+. Days were passing slowly and time was eating me because every single moment I thought of death. I never thought that the very idea of death will have such a devastating impact on me.

I wanted to kill the fear that was crawling inside my heart and soul like a rattle snake and to do that I must kill myself, I thought. I climbed up the terrace of my six floor tall building and slowly walked to its edge. My heart started pumping faster, my eyes were wet, uncountable thoughts were speeding through my mind and before I could focus on anything – I jumped.

My suicide can be briefly defined in three words Jump, Fall and Fly. In a way they are similar but I got a whole new outlook towards my life with these.

Jump: I jumped from the terrace hoping that all my obstacles will come to an end but along with my life of course. It’s height of stupidity that in an attempt to escape from a disease I was ready to give up my life.

Fall: As I was falling I thought that I am not only falling physically but on moral level as well. Where from did I gathered this much courage to give away my life so easily, I wondered. 

Fly: As soon as I passed a couple of balconies while falling I realized that in a way I am flying.

An individual’s character is defined by how their perspective is, towards different things. For instance, I was frustrated and afraid when I jumped. I was sad and helpless when I was falling. But the moment I realized that I am flying, I had a smile on my face and I sensed a new beginning within. With every stroke of wind on my face while flying I felt like an old withered tree who is greeted by a tiny green leaf on its dry branch after rain showers.

We all grow up knowing the fact that someday death will overcome us. That day might be today, it might be tomorrow or some 20 years from now, it can be any day. Still we live unboundedly with numerous dreams to accomplish, showing brave side of ourselves.

It is true that living with AIDS would have been tough because of the fear of death, but I failed to realize that death would get me anyhow, sooner or later. But it’s too late to think about all this now I thought, just before the gravity of earth pulled me towards her with all her force.

I thanked myself for not creating any wish list else I would have felt pity not to accomplish them. I was lying on the road unable to move any part of my body. As I was about to close my eyes I thought it would never open again, it would never again see the beauty of this world that I failed to recognize.

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